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Professor Wrestling: Sparklers And Duds

Today's Firecrackers And Question Marks

POSTED: 11:35 pm EDT July 2, 2008
UPDATED: 11:47 pm EDT July 2, 2008

Got firecrackers? How about some of those zippy bottle rockets? Chances are if you fire off a lot of that stuff this weekend most of it will light up just fine. But there will be a few duds as well. It reminds me of pro wrestling. Most of it is OK, but you have to wonder about some things. So, without further comment, let's run down the Summer 2008 "Sparklers and Duds." (Yeah, it's lame -- and I just made it up last night -- but try to get over it already.)

Sparkler: Booker T
Booker T? Yep, Booker T. He's in his element now as a heel in TNA, preparing for a match against babyface champ Samoa Joe. I really like Joe (although he looks a bit heavy for some reason), but when Booker is cookin' he's excellent both in the ring and on the microphone. Booker, like many performers, is much better as a heel. In TNA, he gets to be nasty without having to do the "King" gimmick he was saddled with in WWE, which freshens up his heel persona. I hope he gets nastier in the weeks ahead.

Podcast: 'Old School, New School' -- Episode 81

Dud: Kevin Nash
Big Sexy is Big Stale in my book. He's gray-haired, indifferent, doesn't work all that well in the ring, and is just – dull. The sad thing is, he doesn't have to be dull. Like Booker T, he's much better as a slimy, sneaky venom-spewing heel. Maybe that's where he's going with his act, but for right now, he doesn't belong in the ring and he adds very little to the already-thin plotlines that pollute TNA.

Sparkler: Chris Jericho
If you're looking for a guy who is really finding himself behind the mic, point directly to Chris Jericho. Y2J's battle with Shawn Michaels is as fun as pro wrestling gets. It's very rare when you get a heel performer who comes out every week and calmly tells his version of the truth, as Jericho does. It's a bravura performance, and I hope it lasts for months.

Dud: Hornswoggle
Sorry, but time is running out on this act. I don't like the fact that he doesn't talk, when he can. I mean, wouldn't it be great if for once we heard what he had to say? Just because you're the little guy doesn't mean you have to be a total comedy act. I think it would be fascinating to learn what his real life is like, how he got into wrestling and what he thinks of being the most popular performer of his kind. If things can't change, though, Hornswoggle needs to go away.

Sparkler: Jim Ross and Mick Foley
It was very wise to move Jim Ross to the "Smackdown!" show simply because the program needs extra star-power to get a firm footing on the My Networks this fall. While great things can be said about Jerry Lawler's work, Mick Foley just might be the next great announcer in the WWE stable. For him to be paired with Ross is already paying dividends as viewers are treated to an extra-thoughtful – and historical -- analysis of the chaos at hand.

Dud: Vince McMahon's Million Dollar Giveaway
I have to be honest. I really, really liked the idea that Vince was giving away a million bucks per show on "Raw" – but the way he did it was dumb. Splitting the money up, making calls to fans and chatting on the air was often awkward. I would have preferred that the whole prize go to one person before that night's main event, creating true excitement. If this gimmick comes back, I would have a pool of randomly-selected Web site entrants become "finalists" during the first hour. Those names would be put on a giant wheel – and the Divas would spin for the winner. Now that's entertainment!

Want to hear more on this subject? Then it's time to download EPISODE 81 of the Professor Wrestling podcast, "Old School, New School." This week, Dr. Mike Lano and George "The Authority" Schire offer their Sparklers and Duds, as well as name their all-time All-American wrestlers. If that's not enough, they go thumbs up, thumbs down on the C.M. Punk title victory. It's a great show, so miss it not!

Now scram.

Class is dismissed!

(Professor Wrestling is a masked employee of Internet Broadcasting, hailing from Parts Unknown. Got a question, comment, complaint? E-mail him right here. )


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